Clown Family
by Harley Quinn246
Summary: Jarley and their children-from Jonny Frost's perspective.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: In the middle of writing my smutty/dirty Jarley fanfiction, this little scenario came into my head and I decided to publish it as a one shot. However, I'd say it's the same take on their relationship as in my other fic. I'm impatient and an attention whore so I decided to get people's reactions. I didn't proofread or anything-sorry for any mistakes. Also, I realize that Johnny Frost probably died in the helicopter explosion but I decided to bring him back to life badly burned, though I never really mention that. I love his character too much to let him stay dead. But anyway, hope you enjoy this-I'm very tired so again sorry if it's bad haha. (Okay, went back and edited out the mistakes I found).

Johnny Frost leaned against the window. It was raining so hard he could feel it pounding on the glass behind him and the wind hissing by. He'd heard on the television that it was one of the worst thunderstorms in Gotham's history.

He watched and winced as Harley Quinn let out another pained wail. He and the doctor, also one of the boss's few henchwomen, were the only ones in the room besides J and Harley-the doctor there for obvious reasons, Frost there because, he could only assume, the boss was already paranoid about his heirs' well beings even though they weren't even out of the oven yet.

"Doctorrrrr, can you speed up this whole process?" J snapped, wincing as Harley squeezed his hand and shrieked again. "Give her something."

"I can't give her anything else, she's too close," the doctor said, agitated. Frost sympathized with her-she was obviously torn between doing her job and not pissing the boss off. "You've gotta keep pushing."

"They're going to tear me open!" Harley shrieked, clutching J's hand in a death grip. Even from across the room Johnny could see that her knuckles were white and the boss's hands were bruised from how hard she was holding on to them.

Frost had never seen the boss look panicked and concerned before, besides when Harley was gone those nine months. Usually he went through life with such psychotic carelessness and antipathy that it seemed impossible that he took anything seriously at all. "You heard her, baby." Harley screwed up her face and lowered her chin to her chest, groaning.

"First one's crowning," the doctor said.

Harley screamed. "Damn it, pull 'em out, you bitch!" Frost closed his eyes, trying to go to a happy place. _Why do you want me here, boss?_

"Almost over, baby," J breathed, and Frost saw a crazed, eager light in his eye and relief spread over his face.

Five minutes later, Harley gave one last push and shriek, and then a mewling cry echoed throughout the room. The boss was breathing heavily, still clutching Harley's hand with both of his, watching as the doctor reached out and offered the tiny, crying creature to Harley. "The girl."

Harley, all pain temporarily gone from her face and tears welling up in her eyes, reached out and practically snatched the baby from the doctor. "Oh, God. Oh, God," she said, starting to genuinely cry. For the first time to Frost, she seemed like a normal woman. "Come here, Lucy. Oh, God, puddin', look at her." Harley pressed her lips to the baby's forehead. "She's so beautiful."

J was staring down at the tiny figure, seemingly transfixed. He had the same possessive look on his face that Frost saw whenever he looked at Harley. "C'mere, Lucy. Go see your daddy," Harley said, sobbing and offering up the baby towards J. The boss slowly, cautiously reached out and took the baby girl, holding her up with both hands and staring down at her incredulously. Harley gazed up at them, an adoring look shining on her face, before she gasped and her face contorted in pain again. She whimpered and closed her eyes.

"One more time," the doctor said. "You're almost done. I can already see the head."

Harley cried out, tears coursing down her face, but this time she hardly had to do anything before Frost heard another shrill wail and Harley exhaled loudly, gasping in relief. "And the boy," the doctor said, handing him to Harley.

"JJ," she said, starting to sob again.

"I'll get the girl cleaned up, sir, if you want to hold the boy," the doctor said, voice full of trepidation.

"Be careful with her," J said warningly, reluctantly handing the baby over. Frost sincerely hoped the doctor would be careful, because she would certainly face the Joker's wrath if she wasn't.

Harley passed the boy to J. "He's so cute, puddin'," she said tearfully. "Look at his little hands and feet."

"He looks like you, kitten," the Joker said in an odd voice that Frost had never heard before. He hoped J didn't mind him bearing witness to this, though he supposed after he'd seen what the boss was like when Harley was missing, J didn't care much what Frost saw-as long as he never breathed a word of it to anyone else.

"Here you are," the doctor said, carefully placing the girl near Harley's chest. "She's hungry." Harley eagerly pulled the shoulder and top of her gown down and Frost averted his eyes until he was sure it was safe to look again.

"Yeah, you're hungry after all that work killing mommy, aren't you little Lucy?" Harley cooed. J had sat down on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around Harley's shoulder and watching. Harley leaned her head against him and Frost couldn't help wondering if he was actually seeing the two clowns acting like normal, mentally sound parents. It was too unbelievable and surreal after the things he had seen them do.

When the doctor brought the boy over to eat and Harley handed Lucy to the boss again, Johnny started to head towards the door behind the doctor. "Wait, Frost," he heard J say. "Come back in a couple hours and have a drink. Celebrate with me."

Johnny looked at him, surprised. "Alright. Sure the missus and you don't want the rest of the night to yourselves?"

The boss looked down at Harley. "You don't mind Johnny keeping me company for an hour or two after you go to sleep, do you kitten? You need your rest, baby."

"No, that's fine, puddin'," Harley murmured, reaching over and squeezing his arm while gazing worshipfully at the baby at her breast.

Frost nodded at the boss in acquiescence. As he turned to close the door behind him, he was shocked to see the Joker-notorious crime lord and psychopath of Gotham, arch nemesis of the Batman-lean over, baby cradled gently in one arm, and share a deep, loving kiss with Harley. Frost heard him murmur, "You did so good, honey...you made me proud." He closed the door, awestruck. He had seen the two lunatics kiss plenty of times before, but it had always been animal like, sexy and hot. Had they always been like this alone together? If they had, they had made sure to hide it from anyone else. Frost shook his head as he headed to the kitchen downstairs to get some chow. It had been a long day and it appeared he would still be on duty for a couple of hours more.

When he came back later that night, Harley was asleep. Frost could see both the exhaustion and happiness on her still face. He could also see that she was already getting her figure back. Frost had no desire to be with a crazy lady like Harley, but in some ways, the boss really was a lucky man.

The two babies were asleep in small cradles by the bed, within arm's reach of Harley, and the boss was standing over them, the possessive look still in his eyes. "Come here, Frost," he said quietly, not raising his eyes from the babies.

Frost crossed the room and stood on the other side of the cribs. Harley had put the babies in pink and blue onesies and they were as deeply asleep as their mother. They already had bright blonde hair like Harley, the boy's curly and the girl's straight. He had to admit that the babies were cute. He watched as J reached down and stroked the girl's hair, as if in a trance. _Lucy_ , Frost reminded himself, wondering why Harley had chosen the name. He still wondered if the boss wasn't going to regret this.

"Think she's going to be daddy's little girl, Frost?" J said quietly.

"Oh yeah, boss," Johnny said. "I believe it. I think she even looks a bit like you. Has your nose."

J laughed, obviously pleased. "Do you think so?"

"Oh yeah. You made some good lookin' kids, boss."

The Joker finally raised his face to look at Frost and it was full of insane pride. "I did, didn't I?" He seemed to snap out of his daze and gave his leering, gold toothed grin. "Celebrate with me. Have a drink. Isn't that what new fathers do? You're the only one privileged enough with my trust to share this special occasion."

He fixed Frost and himself a drink and they sat down in the purple velvet armchairs, J's legs lazily spread out as he settled deep into the chair and took a long swig. He gazed at Harley. "I wasn't sure if everything was going to go as planned, Frost. Even I've never seen her like that before."

"I think it's supposed to be like that, boss," Frost said. "Your lady's tough."

J nodded slowly. "You're right. That she is." He paused and a slow grin covered his face. "Can you believe I'm a family man now, Frost?"

Johnny hesitated. "Well, boss, I gotta admit...it's a little hard to believe."

J threw his head back and gave his trademark cackle. "At least you're honest, Frost. I never would have chosen it for myself. But she wanted it...and I'd do anything for her. You saw that." He grew oddly quiet before speaking again, as if to himself. "She wanted it for a long time. And I think I'm glad she did." He was quiet again.

Frost cast around in his head for something to break the silence. He never liked the boss to stay quiet for too long. "She's going to be a good mother, boss," he finally said, hoping to God he wasn't lying and almost one hundred percent sure he was. Well, by their own abnormal standards she'd be a good one.

"That she will be," J murmured, gazing again at Harley and the babies, adoration spreading across his face. Frost took another sip of his drink and considered the bleach skinned, green haired man across from him. He wondered if the Joker and Harley could feel actual love and affection for each other and the kids or if they were just one more possession and crazy creation for them. But maybe it was possible-maybe the two monsters could love, some way, somehow.

The boss shook his head and changed the subject to business. For the next hour they sat and drank, talking about the boss's future plans. Finally, J leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees and empty glass in hand, obviously bringing their celebration to a close.

"Frost," he said, his voice growing intense. "The three of them are the most valuable things in my world now. If anything happens to them...Harley or Lucy or JJ..." He didn't finish his sentence, just looked Frost straight in the eye. Frost didn't look away. "You understand? It would kill her if anything happened to her babies. And that would kill me."

"I won't let anything happen to them, boss," Frost said quietly. "And I won't speak a word of this to anyone." He paused. "I found your girl for you. I nearly died helping you get her back. And I'll do it again if any danger comes near them. I work for you."

J stood up, looking satisfied. He didn't say anything and Frost stood up too. "Thank you Frost," J said slowly. "Thank you for celebrating with me tonight."

Johnny nodded. "You're welcome, boss." As he turned to close the door behind him, he saw J crawl into the bed beside Harley, putting one hand protectively above her head on the pillow, hand resting in her hair, and another across her body and around her arm, hugging her to him and burying his face in her shoulder.

Johnny closed the door and started down the hall towards the elevator, ready for the comfort of his own bed. _Maybe...maybe that little clown family is gonna be able to love each other after all._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N_ : okay, you guys win. Here's another chapter. Still working on the next chapter for my other fic. Will fix any mistakes in this one later.

 _Four years after one of the worst thunderstorms in Gotham's history._

It was another late night for Johnny Frost. The boss's business was booming and things had never been better by J's standards. Frost and the Joker had been meeting later and later every night that week, going over J's plans. Johnny didn't mind. The happier and busier the boss was, the happier Johnny was.

The Joker passed Johnny another glass of brandy and Johnny studied him. Not only did the boss look pleased, he looked relaxed. Johnny would never have believed it four years ago, but family life-even psychotic clown family life-seemed to have had a good effect on the boss. J leaned back in the velvet chair, idly twirling his cane. His shirt was unbuttoned, revealing the tattooed chest and lean torso, and his tie hung untied around his neck. Johnny always wondered how the Joker and Harley stayed in such good shape, but he supposed all the mayhem they caused burned a lot of calories.

Family life, as much as it pleased the Joker and Harley, hadn't changed them when it came to their craziness and crime. The children always had a string of nannies to watch over them while the Joker and Harley played their little games around Gotham and spent nights at the club. But Johnny had been surprised at how much devotion Harley and J had shown the kids, how sometimes when he saw them with their children he could almost consider them normal people. Frost wondered if this human side had always lain dormant or it had been created when the twins were born. It only made him more confused and fascinated with his boss.

"I've been thinking that we need to end our dealings with the honorable Mr. S," J said, a sinister light in his eye. "He's gotten much too chatty with some people around town."

"I agree, boss," Frost said. He'd never liked S. "Guy's a prick."

J was about to respond when they suddenly heard tiny hiccuping sobs coming down the hall. Frost turned and saw Lucy shuffle into the den, adorned in pink nightgown and her little mirror Harley had given her clutched in her hand. Tears were streaming down her face as she hiccoughed. "Daaaadyyy," she whimpered when she saw J, bursting into a full blown cy.

J set his cane aside and started to stand, but Lucy had already run across the room towards him into his arms. He held her protectively against his chest and tried to turn her chin towards him so he could see into her eyes. "What's wrong with my doll? Are you hurt?" Lucy shook her head, cries already dying down as she buried her head in her father's chest.

"Puddin'?" Harley had appeared in the doorway to her and J's bedroom. "What's wrong with her? You want mama, Lucy?"

Lucy shook her head. "Jaja."

Lucy rarely called J daddy. Harley had first tried to teach her the word "Dada" but Lucy had apparently heard her father referred to as "J" so many times before she had mixed the two words together.

"I've got her, baby," J said to her. "Go back to bed."

"Alright," Harley said reluctantly. "Wake me up when you come to bed."

"Patience," J said, grinning. "One of Daddy's little girls has to be taken care of before I attend to the other one."

Harley meowed sleepily at him before winking and shutting the door. Frost had witnessed their behavior for too many years now to be embarrassed or flustered, or even exasperated by it. Well, maybe a little exasperated. He turned his attention back to the odd father and daughter picture in front of him.

Most little girls would have taken one look at the Joker and run screaming in the other direction, terrified. Between the hair, the makeup, the tattoos, the voice-he was a frightening personage to most people in Gotham. But not his daughter-maybe it was because she had known him since birth, or she was fearless, or a bit of both, but it was common knowledge among all of J's henchmen and anyone else in his employment or acquaintance that Lucy Quinzelle adored her father above all other people or things on the earth. And though J would have burned down the city before admitting it and killed anyone who said it to his face, Johnny and everyone else knew that the little girl had her daddy utterly and completely wrapped around her finger. Though Johnny could see a little bit of Harley in her, her face was the spitting image of J, and unlike her brother, her shoulder length blonde hair was as straight as the boss's.

"What's got my darling doll so unhappy?" J asked, stroking Lucy's hair.

"Bad dweam," Lucy hiccupped before starting to whimper again.

"Ohhh noooo," J said, in what Frost could only assume was a soothing voice to a child raised by psychotic clowns. "What did you dream, precious?"

"I dweamed dat the big bat came and took us 'way," Lucy said, giving another sniff and hiccup.

Frost saw the boss's face harden and a furious fire leap into eyes. About a year ago, one of the boss's henchmen had told Lucy about the "big, scary bat" that her father had such a long history with. This had led to Lucy developing a deep terror of the big bat and insisting on sleeping with her parents for over a week. Needless to say, the henchman had not stayed in J's employment long after that. Or in the employment of living.

"Now, now, remember what I told you, sweets?" the boss said, raising her chin, one pair of ice blue eyes looking into another. "The bat isn't going to come take you away. The bat just likes to play games with Daddy and your mommy. We have lots of fun together."

 _Well, he's not exactly lying to the kid_ , Johnny thought to himself. He was sure to the Joker and Harley, their run-ins with Batman were great fun for them and provided them plenty of amusement.

Lucy gave one last sniff before she leaned her head against J's chest again, all fears instantly wiped away by her father's reassurance. She stared curiously at the tattoos and ran one small, chubby hand over them while the other still clutched the mirror. "What aw you doin', Jaja?" she asked.

"Your daddy's having a visit with Mr. Johnny Frost here," J said, nodding towards Frost. Lucy looked over at Johnny in surprise, apparently noticing him for the first time.

She grinned at him. It was still disconcerting to Frost how her grin looked like the boss's whenever he was up to something. "Fwosty!"

Johnny suppressed the urge to sigh. He was almost certain that Lucy would have been able to pronounce his first name without trouble-but Harley thought it was just adorable how Lucy couldn't pronounce her "r's" yet and Johnny had ended up with the nickname "Frosty" to the two kids. He had unsuccessfully tried to teach them his first name. Frosty it was.

Frost saw the boss looking over at him over Lucy's head, a smirk spreading across his own face. Frost knew the boss knew how much he hated the nickname, and he also knew Johnny wouldn't dare say anything about it. Oh yeah, it was all very amusing for the boss.

"You need to go back to sleep, my darling," J said. "Close your eyes, now." He put his hand over her eyes, smiling.

Lucy smiled and shook her head mischievously back and forth, trying to pry her father's hand away. "No! No no no! I want the smile, Jaja!"

"Alright-but only if you promise to close your eyes and go to sleep afterward," the Joker said, removing his hand.

Lucy looked expectantly down at her little mirror, and J moved the hand tattooed with the huge, leering grin over his daughter's small mouth, the smile covering the entirety of her lower face. Lucy laughed-for some reason this had always been one of her favorite games. It had always given Johnny the creeps.

"Jaja," Lucy said as J moved his hand away again, "aw you a bad man?"

Frost waited to hear J's response, wondering what on earth had prompted the question. Lucy had probably overheard some wayward chatter again. J smiled down at her. "Not nearly as bad as you, my perfect little doll face." Lucy giggled and squirmed against him. "Now, you remember you promised to go back to sleep?"

"I wanna stay with you, Jaja," Lucy said plaintively. Frost waited for the inevitable.

"Alright, little kitten," J sighed. "No telling your mama. But you go to sleep. Understand?" His voice grew a little more stern.

Lucy nodded. "Yes, Jaja." She leaned her head against his chest and reached out to play with his tie.

Frost and J went back to talking business, Lucy continuing to play with the boss's silk tie as her eyelids started to stay closed for longer and longer periods of time. The boss stroked her hair absentmindedly as he talked to Frost, every once in a while rubbing her back as she started to lean more and more limply against him.

Finally Frost and J reached the end of their meeting for the night-the longest one yet. Frost assumed that J wasn't going to sleep any time soon either, if Harley had meant what she said about waking her up. He looked down at Lucy, softly snoring now and seemingly deeply asleep. J followed his gaze. "What is it, Frost?"

Johnny shook his head. He didn't exactly know what he was thinking himself. "Nothin', boss. Just...that little girl sure worships you."

Lucy stirred in J's arms and opened her eyes, reaching one of her hands up towards his lips. "Kiss, Jaja," she mumbled. Frost averted his eyes, pretending to be lost in his own thoughts, but decided to take advantage of his peripheral vision.

The Joker shifted Lucy in his arms. She held out one of her hands sleepily and he placed his finger on her palm. Lucy closed her fingers around it and closed her eyes as her father softly kissed her on the forehead, letting his lips rest there for a while before gently pressing his nose and forehead against her head. "My perfect girl," Frost heard him murmur.

"My Jaja," Lucy said sleepily before resting her head against his shoulder again, drifting off into what Frost hoped were batless dreams.

The boss stood up and Frost followed his lead. "I'll see you tomorrow, Frost," J said quietly. Frost nodded and watched as J turned and walked towards the twins' bedroom, one hand on Lucy's hair and turning his head to give her another light, lingering kiss on the cheek.

Frost leaned against the wall of the elevator as it lowered him from the penthouse to his own room. _The things I've seen on this job,_ he thought to himself. As he entered his bedroom and began turning down the bed, he couldn't help but think the strangest thing he'd seen was the love between the crazy clown upstairs and the blonde haired, blue-eyed little girl that called him Jaja.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Guys...I'll write another author's note later, (plus my original one) but I am currently another giant squid of anger and tears because I wrote this whole thing out and AGAIN my computer deleted it literally at the last sentence I typed. Thankfully I have a near photographic memory and some of it written out longhand so I typed it up again and hopefully it's almost perfectly near what I originally wrote. I'll add anything I forgot later. Also I'm going to use this opportunity to direct people to my other Jarley fic (Come On, Baby) because I would love more reviews of the fourth chapter. I'm so sorry my technology keeps hating me guys.

Johnny Frost sat in the Joker's study, going over a hit list of people he was going to have to attend to sooner or later. It was midday in Gotham City and unusually quiet-the perfect day to get work done. He usually didn't work in the boss's study with him, but they had had lunch together that day and the boss invited him to stay. Johnny was more than happy to-the study was easily the nicest room in the penthouse apartment, complete with purple velvet chairs, mahogany furniture, a minibar...Frost understood why the boss spent so much time in here.

The boss was at his desk across the room from Johnny, drawing up his latest plans. Papers covered every square inch of the top of the desk. Johnny knew the plans had something to do with the Bat, but if J required his assistance he would tell him eventually. Or maybe J and Harley would handle it themselves.

Johnny had almost reached the end of the list when JJ toddled into the study. The little boy was sucking his thumb, clutching his stuffed cat close to him as he looked curiously around the room. J looked up and smiled when he saw his son. "And just what are you up to?"

JJ continued to suck his thumb, looking innocent and angelic, but Frost could see the mischievous look in his eyes almost identical to Quinn's. Just as Lucy was reminiscent of her father, JJ's face and eyes looked like a copy and paste of his mother's, only chubbier. He hugged the stuffed cat to him and walked over to J's desk, trying to peer over the edge. Frost chuckled.

"Ah, you want to help your old dad out?" J asked, holding out his arms towards JJ. JJ nodded and climbed up into the boss's lap, removing his thumb from his mouth and carefully placing his cat next to him on the desk.

"Paper, Dada!" JJ said in his baby voice, eagerly clapping his hands against the desk. "Wanna help!"

"Alright, alright," J said. "So impatient!" He placed a few blank sheets of paper in front of JJ. "Here you are." The little boy grabbed one of the pens and started scribbling, trying to copy the markings on his father's sheets of paper. "Now listen, just write on yours. Not on mine, like last time. That caused your daddy a lot of trouble." A few months ago, JJ had managed to sneak into the study and drew over almost every piece of paper inside, making any writing on them illegible. The Joker had not been pleased or amused.

"Yes, Dada," JJ said obediently. He scribbled with a studious and business like expression on his face.

"Looks like he's ready to follow in your footsteps, boss," Frost said, chuckling again.

J's smile grew wider. "So he does," he said, smoothing down JJ's curly and tousled hair. "You're all ready to take over running Gotham City for me, aren't cha son? Oh, by the way, be polite and say hello to Mr. Frost over there."

JJ turned his head and grinned at him. "Hi, Mr. Fwosty!" The boss looked over at him and grinned too. Johnny felt a sullen expression cross over his face, no matter how much he tried to hide it. If he never heard that damn nickname again it would be too soon.

"Hi, JJ," he said. "You know, a lot of people call me Johnny. You can call me Johnny too."

"Oh, now Frost," J said, smirking, "you know you'll always be 'Fwosty' to them...I know how much you adore that little nickname."

Johnny was saved from having to reply by JJ saying, "Shhh, Dada. Work time!"

"That's right," the boss said, turning back to the plans. "Work time."

The three of them spent the next half hour in silence, all three busy with their own work. Frost alternated between his lists and sneaking glances at the Joker and his boy. If someone had told him he would ever see the day when the Crime King of Gotham would be sitting there with a son, Johnny would have told them they were as crazy as the man he worked for.

Eventually JJ put down the pen, picking up his stuffed cat again and hugging it to him. "Dada, where's Mama?" From babyhood, JJ had been almost overly attached to Harley, a real little mama's boy. He still didn't like to be away from her too long and vice versa. Harley spoiled him just as badly as the boss did Lucy.

"Your Mama's enjoying some time out to herself right now, son," J told him. "She'll be back in a little while."

JJ pouted and then sighed. "I got my cat, Dada," JJ said, holding it up to show his father. "I wuv my cat."

"I see," J said, reaching down and petting it with one finger. "Did you know your mama gave me that cat?" JJ looked up at him in surprise and shook his head. "That's right. That was mama's present for me-and then I gave it to you after you came out of your mama's tummy."

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked.

Frost saw a wary expression come over the boss's face. "Because I wanted to give you a present and it made you stop crying."

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked again.

"I don't know, son," he answered in an overly patient voice.

"Why'd I come out of mama's tummy, Dada?" JJ now asked.

J sighed. "You and Lucy were too big to stay inside her. Mama was getting ornery...very ornery," Frost heard J mutter under his breath.

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked. "What's orny?"

J groaned. "You know I hate this game, son."

JJ broke into a grin and laughed-another characteristic of the boy that reminded Frost of Harley.

"JJ?"

Harley herself appeared in the doorway. "Puddin', have you seen-oh, there he is." Her huge smile lit up her face at the sight of father and son. JJ's face lit up just as brightly when he saw her. "What are my two men working on?"

"He's helping me out with our next play date with the Bat, Harls," J said, winking at her. "Go show your mother, JJ."

JJ slid off his father's lap and ran to his mother, beaming. "Mama! Mama! Wook!" He hugged her and she scooped him up as he waved the papers at her, clutching his cat in the other hand.

"That's so good, JJ!" she said, kissing him on each cheek before playfully giving him quick little kisses all over his face and making "mwah" sounds. He shrieked with laughter and J watched them, an expression on his face that Johnny would also never have guessed he would see four years ago.

"Where's Lucy?" J asked.

"Probably torturing the nanny," Harley said, grinning even more widely. Johnny didn't doubt it. He felt a slight twinge of sympathy for the nanny. Lucy by herself was a handful, and Lucy and JJ together were mayhem. Their parents did nothing to stop the chaos-they enjoyed and encouraged it. Frost wasn't surprised.

"Mama, I missed you," JJ said, wrapping his small arms around her neck.

"I missed you too, my little man," Harley said, giving him another kiss on a chubby cheek.

J stood up and walked over to her. "And I missed you too," he said before kissing her on the lips.

"Yucky!" JJ exclaimed, turning his head away.

Frost laughed outright and so did Harley. J grinned and gave JJ a small nudge under the chin with his finger. "Now, now-I want some of your mama's kisses too."

JJ grinned back mischievously and wrapped his small arms around Harley's neck, leaning his head against her. " _My_ Mama!"

"I suppose I can share her with you, son," J said, smoothing down his son's curls again.

"You know what it's time for JJ? Your nap," Harley said. "I know that damn nanny couldn't get you to sleep earlier. I'll read you and Lucy a story before you go to sleep. Say bye-bye to Dada."

"Bye bye Dada!" JJ said, waving.

"Bye bye, m'boy," the boss said, waving back, before saying to Harley, "After they go to sleep, what say we take a little nap of our own?" He winked at her.

"Oooo, yeah?" she asked, winking back.

Johnny cleared his throat and stood up. "I think I'm going to head out, boss. I've got that list to get started on."

"Alright," J said, nodding his dismissal at him before turning his attention back to Harley. "I'll be in the bedroom, baby."

"I'll hurry," Harley said, winking again as she followed Johnny out into the hall. Johnny heard the Joker purr and give Harley a slap on the ass before he headed across the penthouse to their bedroom. Johnny started walking more quickly towards the elevator at the front of the penthouse. When were the two clowns going to start keeping it in their pants like all the other people in the world that had kids?

The last thing Johnny heard JJ ask as he reached the elevator was, "Mama, why'd I live in your tummy and how did I get in there?"

"How about you ask Dada that question and see what he says," he heard Harley laugh as the doors closed and the elevator started taking him down to his floor.

 _Oh, that should be a fun conversation,_ Frost thought. He'd have to try to be there to see the boss squirm-hopefully squirm, that is. It could be that the Joker really would start telling his son exactly how JJ ended up in Harley's tummy. That was the thing about the boss. You just never knew.

As the elevator doors opened, Frost decided he could afford a nap himself. The quiet afternoon seemed made for them. As he lay down on the pillow, the image of father and son working together popped back into his head. _I wonder if I'll still be around when JJ takes over the family business,_ he thought. _I wouldn't mind seeing that. I don't think I'd mind seeing those little clown children all grown up_.

And he drifted off into lazy sleep, still hearing the little boy's voice asking "Why...why...why?"


	4. Chapter 3 (Extended and Edited)

A/N: Hey guys! I extended and edited this chapter (Chapter 3) a bit and I hope you enjoy the extension because it's my favorite part this chapter. The only reason it wasn't included was because of my computer going down when I was writing it.

Johnny Frost sat in the Joker's study, going over a hit list of people he was going to have to attend to sooner or later. It was midday in Gotham City and unusually quiet-the perfect day to get work done. He usually didn't work in the boss's study with him, but they had had lunch together that day and the boss invited him to stay. Johnny was more than happy to-the study was easily the nicest room in the penthouse apartment, complete with purple velvet chairs, mahogany furniture, a minibar...Frost understood why the boss spent so much time in here.

The boss was at his desk across the room from Johnny, drawing up his latest plans. Papers covered every square inch of the top of the desk. Johnny knew the plans had something to do with the Bat, but if J required his assistance he would tell him eventually. Or maybe J and Harley would handle it themselves.

Johnny had almost reached the end of the list when JJ toddled into the study. The little boy was sucking his thumb, clutching his stuffed cat close to him as he looked curiously around the room. J looked up and smiled when he saw his son. "And just what are you up to?"

JJ continued to suck his thumb, looking innocent and angelic, but Frost could see the mischievous look in his eyes almost identical to Quinn's. Just as Lucy was reminiscent of her father, JJ's face and eyes looked like a copy and paste of his mother's, only chubbier. He hugged the stuffed cat to him and walked over to J's desk, trying to peer over the edge. Frost chuckled.

"Ah, you want to help your old dad out?" J asked, holding out his arms towards JJ. JJ nodded and climbed up into the boss's lap, removing his thumb from his mouth and carefully placing his cat next to him on the desk.

"Paper, Dada!" JJ said in his baby voice, eagerly clapping his hands against the desk. "Wanna help!"

"Alright, alright," J said. "So impatient!" He placed a few blank sheets of paper in front of JJ. "Here you are." The little boy grabbed one of the pens and started scribbling, trying to copy the markings on his father's sheets of paper. "Now listen, just write on yours. Not on mine, like last time. That caused your daddy a lot of trouble." A few months ago, JJ had managed to sneak into the study and drew over almost every piece of paper inside, making any writing on them illegible. The Joker had not been pleased or amused.

"Yes, Dada," JJ said obediently. He scribbled with a studious and business like expression on his face.

"Looks like he's ready to follow in your footsteps, boss," Frost said, chuckling again.

J's smile grew wider. "So he does," he said, smoothing down JJ's curly and tousled hair. "You're all ready to take over running Gotham City for me, aren't cha son? Oh, by the way, be polite and say hello to Mr. Frost over there."

JJ turned his head and grinned at him. "Hi, Mr. Fwosty!" The boss looked over at him and grinned too. Johnny felt a sullen expression cross over his face, no matter how much he tried to hide it. If he never heard that damn nickname again it would be too soon.

"Hi, JJ," he said. "You know, a lot of people call me Johnny. You can call me Johnny too."

"Oh, now Frost," J said, smirking, "you know you'll always be 'Fwosty' to them...I know how much you adore that little nickname."

Johnny was saved from having to reply by JJ saying, "Shhh, Dada. Work time!"

"That's right," the boss said, turning back to the plans. "Work time."

The three of them spent the next half hour in silence, all three busy with their own work. Frost alternated between his lists and sneaking glances at the Joker and his boy. If someone had told him he would ever see the day when the Crime King of Gotham would be sitting there with a son, Johnny would have told them they were as crazy as the man he worked for.

Eventually JJ put down the pen, picking up his stuffed cat again and hugging it to him. "Dada, where's Mama?" From babyhood, JJ had been almost overly attached to Harley, a real little mama's boy. He still didn't like to be away from her too long and vice versa. Harley spoiled him just as badly as the boss did Lucy.

"Your Mama's enjoying some time out to herself right now, son," J told him. "She'll be back in a little while."

JJ pouted and then sighed. "I got my cat, Dada," JJ said, holding it up to show his father. "I wuv my cat. It's name Cat."

"I see," J said, reaching down and petting it with one finger. "Did you know your mama gave me that cat?" JJ looked up at him in surprise and shook his head. "That's right. That was mama's present for me-and then I gave it to you after you came out of your mama's tummy."

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked.

Frost saw a wary expression come over the boss's face. "Because I wanted to give you a present and it made you stop crying."

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked again.

"I don't know, son," he answered in an overly patient voice.

"Why'd I come out of mama's tummy, Dada?" JJ now asked.

J sighed. "You and Lucy had grown too big to stay inside her. Mama was getting ornery...very ornery," Frost heard J mutter under his breath. Frost kept a poker face as he remembered the last month of Harley's pregnancy with amusement. If the boss hadn't been around to pacify her and hide her gun, the woman would have shot damn near everyone that so much as looked at her. Not that the Joker would have cared, but good henchmen could be hard to come by. Frost was surprised Harley hadn't strangled "that bitch of a doctor" with her bare hands before it was all over.

"Why, Dada?" JJ asked. "What's orny?"

The Joker growled in frustration and looked down sternly at JJ, who was once again wearing an innocent expression on his face. "You know I hate this little game of yours, son."

JJ grinned and cackled. His laugh was another characteristic he'd inherited from Harley. The boss's face broke into a reluctant smile.

JJ looked back down at the stuffed cat, studying it intently before looking up at his father. He held the cat up to him and asked seriously in his baby voice, "You want your cat Mama gave you, Dada? I give it back if you want it. You wuv Mama. Mama wuv you. That why she gave you Cat."

The Joker stared down at his son. "No, JJ," he said slowly. "That's your cat now..." He reached up and ran the back of his hand lightly down JJ's face. "So thoughtful," Frost heard him murmur. "Just like your mother." He took the cat from JJ's hand and grinned before making a purring noise and rubbing it teasingly against JJ's face. JJ shrieked with laughter, the baby version of Harley's cackle.

Harley herself appeared in the doorway. "Puddin', have you seen-oh, there he is." Her huge smile lit up her face at the sight of father and son. JJ's face lit up just as brightly when he saw her. "What are my two men working on?"

"He's helping me out with our next play date with the Bat, Harls," J said, winking at her. "Go show your mother, JJ."

JJ slid off his father's lap and ran to his mother, beaming. "Mama! Mama! Wook!" He hugged her and she scooped him up as he waved the papers at her, clutching his cat in the other hand.

"That's so good, JJ!" she said, kissing him on each cheek before playfully giving him quick little kisses all over his face and making "mwah" sounds. He shrieked with laughter again and J watched them, an expression on his face that Johnny would also never have guessed he would see four years ago.

"Where's Lucy?" J asked.

"Probably torturing the nanny," Harley said, grinning even more widely. Johnny didn't doubt it. He felt a slight twinge of sympathy for the nanny. Lucy by herself was a handful, and Lucy and JJ together were mayhem. Their parents did nothing to stop the chaos-they enjoyed and encouraged it. Frost couldn't say he was surprised.

"Mama, I missed you," JJ said, wrapping his small arms around her neck.

"I missed you too, my little man," Harley said, giving him another kiss on a chubby cheek.

J stood up and walked over to her. "And I missed you too," he said before kissing her on the lips.

"Yucky!" JJ exclaimed, turning his head away.

Frost guffawed outright and so did Harley. J grinned and gave JJ a small nudge under the chin with his finger. "Now, now-I want some of your mama's kisses too."

JJ grinned back mischievously and wrapped his small arms around Harley's neck, leaning his head against her. " _My_ Mama!"

"I suppose I can share her with you, son," J said, smoothing down his son's curls again.

"You know what it's time for JJ? Your nap," Harley said. "I know that damn nanny couldn't get you to sleep earlier. I'll read you and Lucy a story before you go to sleep. Say bye-bye to Dada."

"Bye bye Dada!" JJ said, waving.

"Bye bye," the boss said, waving back. He leaned his head close to Harley's ear. "After they go to sleep, what say we take a little nap of our own?" he asked, in a low suggestive voice Frost was still unfortunately able to hear. He winked at her.

"Oh yeah?" she asked just as suggestively, winking back.

Johnny cleared his throat and stood up. "I think I'm going to head out, boss. I've got that list to get started on."

"Alright," J said, nodding his dismissal at him before turning his attention back to Harley. "I'll be waiting in the bedroom, baby."

"I'll hurry," Harley said, winking again as she followed Johnny out into the hall. Johnny heard the Joker purr and give Harley a spank on the ass before heading across the penthouse to their bedroom. Johnny started walking more quickly towards the elevator at the front of the penthouse. When were the two clowns going to start keeping it in their pants like all the other people in the world that had kids?

The last thing Johnny heard JJ ask as he reached the elevator was, "Mama, why'd I live in your tummy and how did I get in there?"

"We'll ask Dada that question and see what he says," he heard Harley laugh as the doors closed and the elevator started taking him down to his floor.

 _Oh, that should be a fun conversation,_ Frost thought. He'd have to try to be there to see the boss squirm-hopefully squirm, that is. It could be that the Joker really would start telling his son exactly how JJ ended up in Harley's tummy. That was the thing about the boss. You just never knew.

As the elevator doors opened, Frost decided he could afford a nap himself. The quiet afternoon seemed made for them. As he lay down on the pillow, the image of father and son working together popped back into his head. _I wonder if I'll still be around when JJ takes over the family business,_ he thought. _I wouldn't mind seeing that. I don't think I'd mind seeing those little clown children all grown up_.

And he drifted off into lazy sleep, still hearing the little boy's voice asking "Why...why...why?"


	5. Little Monsters

A/N: Hey guys-my brain and emotions and imagination are still pretty fried right now, but to at least keep in practice and give you guys something, I wanted to type up this chapter. It's now even more fried because once again I'd nearly typed out the whole chapter and fanfiction closed out on its own. I cried. I really shouldn't type stuff up on here. I'll add anything back in that I remember forgetting. I didn't know how to end. Sorry that the kids aren't in it (well, technically they are, as fetuses, I suppose) but it was a comforting little chapter to write. May go back and extend and edit when I'm feeling better. :) Also I did my best at getting the months and weeks right for all the pregnant stuff-I've never been pregnant before and I have to look all this stuff up or hear about it at the hospital where I work haha

 _About seven months before the worst thunderstorm in Gotham's history_

Frost scrolled through the messages on his phone as the elevator carried him up to the penthouse. He and the Joker had both been hard at work all week, but not together-Frost had been handling plans for tomorrow night, J had been trying to accomplish as much massacre, bloodshed, and teasing the Bat as he could before he no longer had as much time for or interest in doing so-but not today. Today he had stayed home.

It had been about two months now since the Joker had told him in strictest confidence the news about Harley and asked him if they already had a female doctor in their ranks (affirmed), and Frost had finally been able to wrap his mind around the fact that Harley Quinn and the Joker were going to be parents. The Joker had started walking with an added and even more dramatic strut and swagger to his walk. If J had been any other man, Frost would have said to him, "We get it. You knocked up your lady." But seeing as how it was J, Frost found it kind of funny. While Harley had been even more out of her mind than usual with happiness at first, from what Frost could tell and what he had heard from J she had spent most of her time since either sleeping or puking, miserable and pissy. She already hated Conners, the doctor Frost had recruited a couple of years ago after she was fired from the best hospital in Gotham for illegally prescribing drugs...among other things. But before that she had been the top physician there. Harley had demanded that J get her a new one, seeing as how she'd wanted to kill Conners from the moment the two women met, but J had put a stop to that argument before it even started. ("I'm not kidnapping some incompetent _quack_ for you when we already have the best doctor at our disposal, Harls.") Harley had angrily acquiesced for once-not without plenty of snide muttering and pouting, but still, it didn't happen often.

Now Frost was headed up to fill the boss in on all the progress made for tomorrow night and to hear some stories about the latest chaos the Joker had unleashed on Gotham. While Frost was still working late into the night, J had been heading back earlier in the evenings. It was strange and, though he wouldn't have admitted it, a little forlorn for Johnny.

He unlocked the front door to the penthouse with the extra key J had entrusted to him and headed towards the master bedroom where J had said he'd be. Johnny supposed that he would be meeting with the boss there more often in the upcoming months. _Yeah...things are gonna get strange around here._ He walked towards the open door of the master bedroom and started to enter the room.

Frost paused in the doorway. J was sitting propped up against the headboard, still in day clothes with eyes closed and head leaned back, hand hanging across the curve of Harley's hip. She was lying facing away from him on her side, lying on and arms wrapped around a mountain of pillows. Frost thought he could see a little bit of roundness to her stomach under the semi-midriff baring tank top and pajama shorts she was wearing, but he wasn't sure. It was going to be odd to see Harley Quinn without a completely flat stomach.

He stood still, feeling slightly discomfited by the two sleeping figures. He didn't know how to describe it...yet it felt wrong to wake them somehow. It was enough to start a debate with himself over whether or not he should wake up the boss.

Johnny had just about decided to leave and tell the boss everything in the morning when J slowly raised his finger to his lips, eyes still closed, before opening them and lifting his head. "Quietly, Frost. Don't wake her. She's had a...difficult...day."

Frost soundlessly crossed the room to stand by the side of the bed. "I got a message from our friend. Everything's ready for tomorrow night."

J nodded. "Gooood. Everything according to plan then." He stroked Harley's hair, lying loosely around her shoulders out of the pigtails.

"Still under the weather, huh?" Frost asked, looking over at Harley lying limply over the pillows. She was dead to the world. He could hardly even see her breathing.

J nodded again. "Morning...afternoon...and evening sickness," he said. "The girl's absolutely exhausted." He squeezed her shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"How...er...far along did you say she was?" Frost asked awkwardly. He was skilled at a lot of things, but pregnant women was not one of his areas of expertise and outside the realm of his comfort zone.

"Ten weeks," J said, that new hint of pride in his voice.

"So...two down, seven to go?" Frost asked.

"That's right," J said, looking down at Harley affectionately and continuing to stroke her hair. "Hopefully this madonna has a better seven months than these two."

Harley suddenly stirred and made a sleepy noise. "Puddin'?"

"What is it, baby?" J asked. "Did Frost and I wake you?"

"No...I don't feel good again," Frost heard her say faintly. "Hand me that medicine, will ya?"

J reached over and took a bottle of thick purple liquid off the nightstand as she rolled over onto her back. He uncapped the bottle, saying, "Drink up, sick little girl." She took it from him and downed a large swallow of the stuff, whatever it was, before handing it back.

Frost watched as J slid an arm under Harley and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. "I was sleeping so good," she sighed, resting her head against his chest. "They're tiring me out, puddin'."

Frost raised an eyebrow, sure he had heard wrong. "They?" he asked.

J and Harley looked up at him. "Ahhhh," J said, chuckling. "I suppose Frost is going to be the first one to know besides us again, honey." Frost saw a shy little smile come over Harley's face as she cuddled closer to J, lowering her head and fluttering her eyelashes. _Since when is Quinn shy_? "My madonna's having twins, Frost."

For the second time within the past two months and probably only the second time in his life, Frost was stunned speechless, stuttering. "Tw-twins?...two?"

"Cor _rect_ , Frost," J said, grinning up at him. "There's two little monsters growing in there. She thinks that's why she's been so tired and sick."

Frost managed to recover himself enough to say, "Well...congratulations twice over, boss. Quinn." _Two. Two crazy clown children running around this place. What the hell is happening around here..._ J grinned even wider, like he could tell exactly what Frost was thinking. "When'd you find this out?"

"A couple a days ago," Harley said, the same shy smile on her face and her voice much softer than he had ever heard it.

Frost shook his head. "I'll be damned," he sighed.

J tucked Harley's hair behind her ear and asked, "Need anything else, baby?"

"I just wanna go back to sleep," she murmured. "I'm so tired."

Frost decided that was his cue to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow, boss. We're still meeting where and when we discussed?"

J nodded. "I'll see you there. Bring those new toys if you can get your hands on them."

Frost grinned. "Absolutely. 'Night, boss. Quinn."

"Good night, Frost," J said. Harley already looked like she was half asleep again as Frost left the room, catching one last glimpse of J as he roughly pressed his lips to Harley's forehead and slid his hand onto her stomach.

 _This might just be the craziest thing I've ever had to deal with_ , Frost couldn't help thinking as he exited out in the lobby. After this new information about twins (of all things) he needed a drink. He ordered his usual at the bar and was served immediately-just another perk of being the Joker's right hand man.

As he drank, he couldn't help thinking of that shy little smile he'd seen on Harley's face when J had told him. All he could think of to make sense of a smile like that appearing on the face of Harley "crazy as the Joker" Quinn was that it was a pregnant lady thing.

 _It was gonna be hard enough to keep one kid under wraps_ , he thought. _It's gonna be impossible with two. The Bat's going to have a field day. Protecting those little monsters is going to fall on me. And hell, it's not going to start when they're born. Quinn's not going to be able to keep it a secret much longer, not with how small that woman is_. He sighed, all the ramifications and concerns he was going to have to be in charge of racing through his mind.

After a a few more drinks (or maybe a few more than a few), he left the bar and headed back towards the elevator, ready for sleep and looking forward to the next day. _Maybe after a few hours with a machine gun I'll be able to handle this whole thing_. When he was finally back in his room, he lay down across the bed fully clothed, too tired and buzzed to bother changing. As he drifted off into sleep, the sight of Harley's new smile and J's hand on her stomach flashed through his mind once more. _The things I see and hear on this job. The things I see..._


	6. Date Night

a/n: hey, I know this is a rather short chapter. Still in the long process of recovering. But I'm really happy to show some interaction between Lucy and Harley and I hope you find it as cute as I do. :)

a/n 2: Okay guys, just letting you know there's going to be an extended chapter of this like I did with chapter three because I forgot a few things I meant to write in my hurry to get this up. :P

 _Four years after the worst thunderstorm in Gotham's history_

Frost sat on the edge of the bed in the master bedroom, waiting for Harley Quinn and the Joker to finish preparing for the evening; J getting dressed behind the closed door of the large walk-in closet (JJ tagging along with him) and Harley putting the finishing touches on her make-up in front of the mirror and sink that was in the open front space of the master bathroom. He watched as Harley spread some lipstick over her lips, wearing the classic black and gold dress and jewelry, hair in loose curls. If Johnny hadn't seen it himself, he never would have believed the woman had ever had twins. Lucy sat on the edge of the counter smiling up at her, biting the end of a finger in an imitation of Quinn, little legs swinging over the edge. She was already dressed for bed, wearing the pink pajama onesie that said "Lil' Monster Number One" across the front.

"You aw pwetty, Mama," Lucy said, beaming up at her mother. Lucy might have been a daddy's girl, but Johnny had noticed how she tried to copy all her mother's actions and the awestruck way Lucy looked at her.

"You're pwetty too, baby doll," Harley smiled.

"Can you put some lippy stick on me, Mama?" Lucy asked, pointing up at Quinn's bright red lips.

"Of course, baby girl," Harley said.

She carefully and lovingly applied the lipstick. "Smack your lips, girlie," Harley said. "Like this." She smacked loudly and grinned as Lucy imitated her, giggling. "Perfect, girlie!"

"What's your necklaces say, Mama?" Lucy asked.

"Harley," Quinn answered, holding up the top necklace. "That's me, Lucy." She pointed to the second one. "And this one is a heart."

"Like the one on your cheek, Mama!" Lucy said, reaching up and patting Harley's cheek with the heart tattoo.

"Yep," Harley said. "Whatcha think that stands for?"

"Uhhhhhh," Lucy said in her baby voice, tilting her head and knitting her small brow in thought.

"Loves, baby doll," Harley laughed.

"Ohhhhh," Lucy laughed. "And what's dat one?"

"Joker," Harley said, running a finger lightly along J's name. "That's your Jaja. So all together they say...?"

"Mama loves Jaja?" Lucy asked.

"Yes, smarty pants," Harley grinned. "I guess we gotta start working on your reading, huh?"

Lucy just laughed in response. "Aw you gonna dance tonight, Mama?"

"I am, baby doll," Harley said, grinning wider.

"For Jaja?" Lucy asked.

"Uh-huh." Quinn nodded and started sliding her bracelets up her arms and over her wrists.

"I wanna dance like you when I'm grown up, Mama," Lucy said.

"Someday I'll teach you, Lucy," Harley said, taking a brush and lightly running it through the pink and blue tips of her hair before fluffing them up with her hands.

 _Oh good Lord,_ Frost thought, resisting the urge to hold his head in his hands and shake his head in exasperation. _I'm sure J will just love that._

"Why can't I come tonight too?" Lucy asked.

"Because it's date night for me and your Jaja," Harley answered. "And Frosty has to be out late with us tonight so he couldn't take you home. Next time, girlie."

 _I swear to God, Quinn,_ Frost thought. _I'm never gonna forgive you for giving me that nickname._ He suspected it was her form of revenge for all those years ago when he'd held her down on the table at Arkham with a gun to her face.

Lucy gave a little sigh. "Can you and Jaja come in and gimme a kiss when you get home, Mama?"

"Absolutely," Harley said, leaning down and giving her a kiss on the forehead, leaving a little lipstick mark. "We may even wake you up in the morning if we're out all night."

Lucy giggled. "Your kisses are sticky with the lippy stuff on, Mama."

"Sorry, baby doll," Harley laughed, wetting her thumb with her tongue and rubbing it against the lipstick mark. "Give Mama a sticky kiss too."

Lucy leaned forward, putting her small pudgy hands on the sides of Harley's face and smacking her lips against Harley's cheek with the heart tattoo. "Mwah!" She sat back and Frost watched as mother and daughter beamed at each other. "Mama, you're the pwettiest Mama in the whole wide world."

"And you're the pwettiest little girl in the whole wide world, Lucy my goosey," Harley said, hugging the little girl to her. Lucy wrapped her arms around her mother's shoulders and rubbed her face in the crook of her neck and shoulder. The look on Harley's face as she held Lucy was enough to cause some warmth even in Frost's chest.

"I want necklaces like yours," Lucy said, pulling back and pointing.

"What do you want them to say?" Harley asked. "Lucy loves Jaja?"

Lucy nodded eagerly.

"Alright, we'll tell him," Harley said, kissing her on the top of the head again.

The closet door opened and J stepped out twirling the cane, JJ running behind him in his blue pajamas labeling him "Lil' Monster Number Two". "Ready, baby?" J asked before stopping and letting out a low whistle as he shook his head, grinning.

Harley winked at him and headed towards the closet. "I just need my shoes, puddin'," she called over her shoulder.

J sighed. "May I remind you we have some important guests waiting, honey."

"I'm _hurrying_ , puddin'!" Harley called from the closet, running back a second later as she slid on the heels, hopping up and down. "See? All ready."

"Ready for some fun?" J asked her, winking.

"I wanna come with, Mama," JJ said, wrapping his arms around her legs and looking up at her pleadingly.

"Me too, Jaja," Lucy said, hopping up and down.

"Not tonight, sweets," J said, scooping up Lucy and kissing her before setting her back down again.

"Are you gonna see the Big Bat?" JJ asked, arms still wrapped around Harley's legs and looking wide-eyed at J.

"I hope so," J said, looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.

Harley groaned. "Oh, puddin', I just want one date night without him spoiling our fun."

"I'll try, baby. No promises." J laughed softly to himself.

"It's time for you two little monsters to go to bed now," Harley said, bending over and trying to unwrap JJ from around her legs.

"Yes, it's time for your mother and I to leave," J said, turning from the mirror.

"Awwww," Lucy and JJ whined together.

 _Finally_ , Frost thought.

"But before we go..." J reached in to the inside of his vest and pulled out a rectangular black box with a blue and pink bow wrapped around it. "I have a little gift for your Mama."

Harley gave a little shriek and clapped her hands together, smiling widely at J. "Open it, baby," he said.

She eagerly pulled the bow off and opened the box up, screaming with joy again as the twins looked on in wide eyed excitement. "Puddin'!" she exclaimed in a high pitched voice that made Frost feel like he was going deaf. She held up a necklace that sparkled with purple and green diamonds. "I _knew_ you knew I wanted it!"

 _J, I gotta admit, you are one smooth sonofabitch_ , Frost thought reluctantly.

"Put it on, pretty please," Harley said, holding it out towards him and beaming.

J took it as Harley turned towards the mirror, stepping behind her and carefully lowering it around her neck before clasping it. JJ and Lucy were still watching wide-eyed.

"Jaja, I want necklaces like Mama," Lucy said, pointing.

"Then Jaja will get them for you, princess," J said, grinning down at her.

"I want them to say Lucy heart Jaja," Lucy said in a demanding tone of voice. If she was this spoiled by her father now, Frost could only imagine how she was going to be with him at sixteen.

"Alright, princess," J said easily, turning Harley back around towards him and giving her a light kiss, both pairs of lipstick smearing a little.

"I'll never be able to apologize to you enough, baby," Frost heard him murmur in her ear. "But I try."

She gave him a little smile. _"Thank_ you, puddin'."

Frost sat in confusion for a moment before remembering. _Oh,_ he thought as he realized it was the anniversary of the night Quinn disappeared. He had accepted he'd never know the full story of that night.

"Mama," JJ said suddenly. "Can I wear lipstick too like Jaja?"

Frost bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Some other time, son," J said. "Ready, Frost?"

Frost stood up quickly. "More than ready, boss."

Frost trailed behind the four of them to the nursery, the henchman that would be standing guard that night already sitting outside the door. Frost nodded at him as he hovered in the doorway, watching as Harley settled the two of them into bed.

"Sweet dreams, little monsters," Harley said, giving them both a light kiss on the forehead. J leaned over and gave Lucy a kiss on the forehead that she returned on his cheek with another loud smack before he turned and smoothed back JJ's curls.

"Good night, Mama and Dada," JJ said, snuggling his stuffed cat in his arms.

"Night night, Jaja and Mama," Lucy said, beaming up at her mother again.

Harley gave her a little pinch on the cheek before following J out of the nursery and the three of them started towards the elevator.

Frost looked at Harley Quinn and the Joker as the elevator took them down towards the lobby and the cars waiting to take them to the club. He knew that later that night he'd probably see them burglarize who knew how many places of business, associate with the most unsavory people in Gotham, screw around with the Batman, probably kill at least one person and enjoy it. And then they would return home in the early hours of the morning to their two little clown children waiting for them, as if it was just a regular date night between two ordinary people.

 _I'll never be able to understand it,_ Frost thought as he got into the car behind the purple Lamborghini, watching as J held the passenger door open before walking around to the driver's seat.

And he watched as they sped off ahead of him into the streets of Gotham for the start of date night.


	7. Date Night (Extended and Edited)

A/N: Here's an edited and slightly extended Date Night chapter. Also, to the reviewer who wanted to know more about Harley's pregnancy, I actually am working on a fic about the nine months she's pregnant and then she and J's point of view on the twins. I may start posting it sooner than I planned if people are interested. :)

 _Four years after the worst thunderstorm in Gotham's history_

Frost sat on the edge of the bed in the master bedroom, waiting for Harley Quinn and the Joker to finish preparing for the evening; J getting dressed behind the closed door of the large walk-in closet (JJ tagging along with him) and Harley putting the finishing touches on her make-up in front of the mirror and sink that was in the open front space of the master bathroom. He watched as Harley spread some lipstick over her lips, wearing the classic black and gold dress and jewelry, hair in loose curls. If Johnny hadn't seen it himself, he never would have believed the woman had ever had twins. Lucy sat on the edge of the counter smiling up at her, biting the end of a finger in an imitation of Quinn, little legs swinging over the edge. She was already dressed for bed, wearing the pink pajama onesie that said "Lil' Monster Number One" across the front.

"You aw pwetty, Mama," Lucy said, beaming up at her mother. Lucy might have been a daddy's girl, but Johnny had noticed how she tried to copy all her mother's actions and the awestruck way Lucy looked at her.

"You're pwetty too, baby doll," Harley smiled.

"Can you put some lippy stick on me, Mama?" Lucy asked, pointing up at Quinn's bright red lips.

"Of course, baby girl," Harley said.

She carefully and lovingly applied the lipstick. "Smack your lips, girlie," Harley said. "Like this." She smacked loudly and grinned as Lucy imitated her, giggling. "Perfect, girlie!"

"What's your necklaces say, Mama?" Lucy asked.

"Harley," Quinn answered, holding up the top necklace. "That's me, Lucy." She pointed to the second one. "And this one is a heart."

"Like the one on your cheek, Mama!" Lucy said, reaching up and patting Harley's cheek with the heart tattoo.

"Yep," Harley said. "Whatcha think that stands for?"

"Uhhhhhh," Lucy said in her baby voice, tilting her head and knitting her small brow in thought.

"Loves, baby doll," Harley laughed.

"Ohhhhh," Lucy laughed. "And what's dat one?"

"Joker," Harley said, running a finger lightly along J's name. "That's your Jaja. So all together they say...?"

"Mama loves Jaja?" Lucy asked.

"Yes, smarty pants," Harley grinned. "I guess we gotta start working on your reading, huh?"

Lucy just laughed in response. "Aw you gonna dance tonight, Mama?"

"I am, baby doll," Harley said, grinning wider.

"For Jaja?" Lucy asked.

"Uh-huh." Quinn nodded and started sliding her bracelets up her arms and over her wrists.

"I wanna dance like you when I'm grown up, Mama," Lucy said.

"Someday I'll teach you, Lucy," Harley said, taking a brush and lightly running it through the pink and blue tips of her hair before fluffing them up with her hands.

 _Oh good Lord,_ Frost thought, resisting the urge to hold his head in his hands and shake his head in exasperation. _I'm sure J will just love that._

"Why can't I come tonight too?" Lucy asked.

"Because it's date night for me and your Jaja," Harley answered. "And Frosty has to be out late with us tonight so he couldn't take you home. Next time, girlie."

 _I swear to God, Quinn,_ Frost thought. _I'm never gonna forgive you for giving me that nickname._ He suspected it was her form of revenge for all those years ago when he'd held her down on the table at Arkham with a gun to her face.

Lucy gave a little sigh. "Can you and Jaja come in and gimme a kiss when you get home, Mama?"

"Absolutely," Harley said, leaning down and giving her a kiss on the forehead, leaving a little lipstick mark. "We may even wake you up in the morning if we're out all night."

Lucy giggled. "Your kisses are sticky with the lippy stuff on, Mama."

"Sorry, baby doll," Harley laughed, wetting her thumb with her tongue and rubbing it against the lipstick mark. "Give Mama a sticky kiss too."

Lucy leaned forward, putting her small pudgy hands on the sides of Harley's face and smacking her lips against Harley's cheek with the heart tattoo. "Mwah!" She sat back and Frost watched as mother and daughter beamed at each other. "Mama, you're the pwettiest Mama in the whole wide world."

"And you're the pwettiest little girl in the whole wide world, Lucy my goosey," Harley said, hugging the little girl to her. Lucy wrapped her arms around her mother's shoulders and rubbed her face in the crook of her neck and shoulder. The look on Harley's face as she held Lucy was enough to cause some warmth even in Frost's chest.

"I want necklaces like yours," Lucy said, pulling back and pointing.

"What do you want them to say?" Harley asked. "Lucy loves Jaja?"

Lucy nodded eagerly.

"Alright, we'll tell him," Harley said, kissing her on the top of the head again.

The closet door opened and J stepped out twirling the cane, JJ running behind him in his blue pajamas labeling him "Lil' Monster Number Two". "Ready, baby?" J asked before stopping and letting out a low whistle as he shook his head, grinning.

Harley winked at him and headed towards the closet. "I just need my shoes, puddin'," she called over her shoulder.

J sighed. "May I remind you we have some important guests waiting, honey."

"I'm _hurrying_ , puddin'!" Harley called from the closet, running back a second later as she slid on the heels, hopping up and down. "See? All ready."

"Ready for some fun?" J asked her, winking.

"I wanna come with, Mama," JJ said, wrapping his arms around her legs and looking up at her pleadingly.

"Me too, Jaja," Lucy said, hopping up and down.

"Not tonight, sweets," J said, scooping up Lucy and kissing her before setting her back down again, leaving a faint lipstick mark of his own on her forehead.

"Are you gonna see the Big Bat?" JJ asked, arms still wrapped around Harley's legs and looking wide eyed at J.

"I hope so," J said, looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.

Harley groaned. "Oh, puddin', I just want one date night without him spoiling our fun."

"I'll try, baby. No promises." J laughed softly to himself.

"It's time for you two little monsters to go to bed now," Harley said, bending over and trying to unwrap JJ from around her legs.

"Yes, it's time for your mother and I to leave," J said, turning from the mirror.

"Awwww," Lucy and JJ whined together.

 _Finally_ , Frost thought.

"But before we go..." J reached in to the inside of his vest and pulled out a rectangular black box with a blue and pink bow wrapped around it. "I have a little gift for your Mama."

Harley gave a little shriek and clapped her hands together, smiling widely at J. "Open it, baby," he said.

She eagerly pulled the bow off and opened the box up, screaming with joy again as the twins looked on, caught up in her excitement. "Puddin'!" she exclaimed in a high pitched voice that made Frost feel like he was going deaf. She held up a necklace that sparkled with purple and green diamonds. "I _knew_ you knew I wanted it!"

 _J, I gotta admit, you are one smooth sonofabitch_ , Frost thought reluctantly.

"Put it on, pretty please," Harley said, holding it out towards him and beaming.

J took it as Harley turned towards the mirror, stepping behind her and carefully lowering it around her neck before clasping it. JJ and Lucy were still watching wide eyed.

"Jaja, I want necklaces like Mama," Lucy said, pointing.

"Then you'll have them tomorrow, doll," J said, grinning down at her.

"I want them to say Lucy heart Jaja," Lucy said in a demanding tone of voice. If she was this spoiled by her father now, Frost could only imagine how she was going to be with him at sixteen.

"Alright, darling," J said easily, turning Harley back around towards him and giving her a light kiss, both pairs of lipstick smearing a little.

"I'll never be able to undo it, baby," Frost heard him murmur in her ear. "But I try."

She gave him a little smile. _"Thank_ you, puddin'."

Frost sat in confusion for a moment before remembering. _Oh,_ he thought as he realized it was the anniversary of the night Quinn disappeared. He had accepted he'd never know the full story of that night.

"Mama," JJ said suddenly. "Can I wear lipstick too like Jaja?"

Frost bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Some other time, son," J said. "Ready, Frost?"

Frost stood up quickly. "More than ready, boss."

"Terrific," J said. "Got your gun, baby?"

"Right here," Harley said with a smirk, picking up the Rhino from the bathroom counter. "And my knife's in my purse. What about your gun?"

J smirked back at her and pulled his vest back to show her the gun in the holster. "Alright. Let's go have some fun."

"Jaja, I want a gun like Mama's too," Lucy said as the five of them left the bedroom.

"And I want one like yours Dada," JJ said immediately.

"Your Mama and I will get to work on that," J said. "It's time for them to learn how to use one anyway, don'tcha think baby?"

"I think they're old enough," Harley said, grinning down at them.

Johnny knew they were dead serious. _And knowing them, I'll be part of the training_.

Frost trailed behind the four of them to the nursery, the henchman that would be standing guard that night already sitting outside the door. Frost nodded at him as he hovered in the doorway, watching as Harley settled the two of them into bed.

"Sweet dreams, little monsters," Harley said, giving them both a light kiss on the forehead. J leaned over and gave Lucy a kiss on the forehead that she returned on his cheek with another loud smack before he turned and smoothed back JJ's curls.

"Good night, Mama and Dada," JJ said, snuggling his stuffed cat in his arms.

"Night night, Jaja and Mama," Lucy said, beaming up at her mother again.

Harley gave her a little pinch on the cheek before following J out of the nursery and the three of them started towards the elevator.

Frost looked at Harley Quinn and the Joker as the elevator took them down towards the lobby and the cars waiting to take them to the club. He knew that later that night he'd probably see or hear about them burglarize who knew how many places of business (not because they needed to, just because they enjoyed it), associate with the most unsavory people in Gotham, screw around with the Batman, probably kill at least one person and enjoy it. And then they would return home in the early hours of the morning to their two little clown children waiting for them, as if it was just a regular date night between two ordinary people.

 _I'll never be able to understand it,_ Frost thought as he got into the car behind the purple Lamborghini, watching as J held the passenger door open before walking around to the driver's seat.

And he watched as they sped off ahead of him into the streets of Gotham for the start of date night.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: It's becoming a common refrain of mine and I can't believe it took me this long to write and type when it's so short...but sorry this took so long, guys. I'm trying to get a few more chapters up for this story the next few days.

Jonny Frost leaned against the wall of the luxury apartment building, cigarette in hand as he let out a breath of smoke. At one point in his life he had given up smoking, but over the past few years he'd found that some nights he couldn't resist a drag or two-he figured with all the additional antics he had to put up with, he had an excuse.

It was a lively night in Gotham-cars streaked past, gunshots rang out and raucous laughter drifted out of the clubs. He looked up at one of the top windows of the building and waited patiently.

Ten minutes later, he watched as the window opened and sixteen-year-old Lucy Quinzel climbed out, hardly noticeable from the ground except for the black and gold dress glittering against the dark sky and windows and the long, straight bleached hair blowing in the wind. He could just make out the thin line of rope she was holding on to as she stealthily scaled her way down the building with the same agile movements of her mother and father. Jonny couldn't help feeling some admiration as she made her way down the forty stories in a matter of minutes-the girl really had some balls and no fear whatsoever.

He stepped back into the shadows as she got close to the bottom windows. When she was two stories up she let go of the rope and hit the ground, a pleased and self satisfied look covering her face until she turned around and came face to face with Jonny. "Oh, _damn_ you!" she exclaimed, the look turning to annoyance. Her expressions had remained eerily reminiscent of J's and sometimes her voice and mannerisms were so like his it gave Jonny chills.

With her physical inheritance of the ultra feminine version of the Joker's face and Harley Quinn's body, along with appearing a good five years older than she actually was, Lucy Quinzel was easily the most attractive girl in Gotham-a situation that left her father both proud and constantly eliminating any man stupid enough to think they had a chance with his daughter. This wasn't the first time that Jonny had been assigned the duty of stopping her from sneaking out of the penthouse and running around Gotham with a boy.

"Sorry, sweets," Jonny said. "Boss's orders." He gave a pointed look at the black and gold dress and raised his eyebrows. "I see you've been in your mom's closet again. You don't think that's a bit short and low cut for a girl your age?"

"What else am I supposed to do when daddy keeps me in clothes that a five year old should be wearing?" Lucy shot back.

Frost shook his head. "You know the drill. Back up to the penthouse. You can climb back up or I'll carry you right through that lobby and into the elevator."

Lucy's face rearranged itself into a simpering, seductive expression-a trick she'd pulled straight out of her mother's bag. "Now, Jonny," she said, "have I ever told you what a silver fox you are?"

Frost snorted. "Princess, I saw you come out of your mother's lady parts. Nothing you do or say is going to be sexy to me after that experience."

Lucy wrinkled her nose in pretend disgust. "Oh don't be _crude_ , Jonny. I'm all grown up now."

Jonny rolled his eyes. "I doubt your daddy would agree with that. Made your decision, sweetheart?"

Lucy finally dropped all pretense of sweetness and narrowed her eyes at him. "Yes...I've made the decision that I'm going to have some fun tonight..." she paused, a sly smile covering her face "... _Frosty._ "

"That's it," Frost said, swiftly blocking her exit from the alley as she attempted (almost successfully) to dart past him. He scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder in one fluid motion.

She immediately erupted into a succession of unearthly shrieks that made his eardrums throb and kicked her feet wildly, hitting her fists against his back as he carried her around to the front of the building and into the lobby. _I swear, she's getting crazier than her parents every day_ , Jonny thought. Thankfully the lobby was virtually empty and he didn't have to suffer all the stares he'd been subjected to last time. Only the security guard at the desk looked up, perfectly immune to the cacophony after being exposed to it so many nights. "Evening, Frost."

"Evening," Frost said. "I'd stay and chat but I've got a delivery to make."

The guard nodded. "See you later."

Lucy finally quit screeching as they got into the elevator, hanging sullenly over his shoulder. "You're gonna regret this, Frosty. Just you wait."

"I'm sure. And princess, call me Frosty one more time and I'll tell your father just how many boys I caught in daddy's little girl's room last week. Why can't you be like your brother and not cause me so much trouble? I'm getting too old for this."

"Because JJ is a pussy and a mama's boy," Lucy huffed. "Put me down, Jonny. I'm not going anywhere."

He lowered her none to gently to the floor. "Umph!" she huffed again, glaring at him.

"Listen, Jonny," Lucy said as he escorted her into the darkened front room of the penthouse, keeping a firm grip on her arm. "I think we can at least agree there's no need for my daddy to hear about this."

"Too late, pretty." Frost heard J's voice before the lamp turned on, revealing the Joker sitting in the purple velvet armchair, of course not wasting the opportunity to be as theatrical and dramatic as possible.

He stood up and walked over to her, leaning towards her so his face was inches away, face stern. Lucy looked back at him, a defiant and stubborn expression on her face-one of the few that reminded Frost of Harley.

"Do you know how difficult you make it for Frost and me to keep you safe?" J scolded her while waving his finger in front of her face. "I try and I try and I try to explain how valuable you would be to some people...and yet you _refuse_ to listen to me." He lowered his finger and leaned even closer, his ice blue eyes boring into hers. "Just what do I have to do to make you understand, _hmmm?_ "

Lucy didn't so much as blink, only let out a hissing breath.

J turned away suddenly, shaking his head and letting out a growl. "And by the way," he said, in a mock casual tone of voice as he stepped over to the couch, "you wouldn't have been able to meet your little friend even if Frost hadn't caught you..." His foot nudged a leg and shoe sticking out from behind the couch, something neither Frost or Lucy had noticed until now. _Stupid, stupid boy_ , Frost thought.

A look of absolute fury came over Lucy's face. _"Daddy!"_ she shrieked, actually stamping her foot. "I _liked_ him!"

J grinned. "He liked you too, dear. Just a little too much."

Lucy pouted. "You always kill the good ones, Jaja," she said. "It's not fair."

J stepped towards her again and she crossed her arms, still stubbornly pouting as she looked up at him. He placed his hands on her upper arms and elbows. "Now, doll," he said. "Listen to your Jaja. I just want you to be safe. You're much too young to be running around with all these...derelicts. They're just sweet talking you, honey. You know how much your Jaja worries about you, perfect girl." He smiled at her.

Jonny saw Lucy's face start to soften, somewhat mollified. "Fine," she said grudgingly. "But I want a new gun, Jaja. And I wanna go with you and Frost next week for the bank heist."

"Anything my doll wants," J said, pulling her to him. "Except _that_ ," he added, giving a look of distaste towards the body behind the couch.

Harley walked into the room, presumably from the kitchen. "Puddin', did Frost stop her from-" Harley halted when she saw Lucy and stared at the black and gold dress. "LUCY! What have I told you about getting into my closet and stealing my clothes?!" she yelled, furious. "Off! Go change right now and bring it right back to me, young lady!"

"You said you didn't care if I wore dresses like this!" Lucy shouted back.

J turned to Harley. "Forgive me for interrupting, baby. You said what?"

"I don't care if you wear dresses like that if they're _yours_ ," Harley said loudly, ignoring J. "Someday if I get old and fat I'll give it to you, but until then- _OFF!"_

Frost wondered if that day would ever actually come. The twins were sixteen years old and J and Harley had seemingly, for the most part, not aged a day. Maybe there were a few barely deepened lines around Harley and J's mouths and foreheads, always covered with makeup. But besides that, Frost had watched in frustration and disbelief as he found more and more gray hairs while Harley and Lucy were mistaken for sisters and J remained as nimble as he'd always been.

Lucy gave Frost a wink as she turned and sashayed towards the hall that led to her room. "And for the devil's sake, Lucy, stop trying to seduce Frost," J said. "You're making the man uncomfortable."

"Thanks, boss," Jonny said.

Harley sighed. "You're much too easy on her, puddin'."

"Oh, by all means, blame me that every boy in Gotham is enamored by her pretty face," J said, frowning and making one of his wild, theatrical gestures.

"Well she does have _your_ face, puddin'," Harley said, rolling her eyes. "So it's kinda your fault."

J growled. "You know what I meant, baby. You don't think you mollycoddle JJ?"

Harley raised her eyebrows dangerously. "I _mollycoddle_ him?"

J looked like he was about to respond when Harley caught sight of the body behind the couch. "Oh, puddin'...you had to kill another one?"

"JJ should be back any minute now...I left him to dispose of the young man's car," J said to her. "The car I'm sure the boy would be running his dirty little hands all over our daughter in."

Harley sighed. "You know I don't like him being out there by himself."

"I'm here, mother." Frost turned to see JJ closing the door and pausing for a moment on the step. "You worry too much."

"I'm your mama, of course I do," Harley said, looking relieved.

"You took care of everything?" J asked his son.

JJ nodded, walking down the steps and standing next to Frost. "It's at the bottom of the river. The fish'll eat it before anyone finds it."

"That's my boy," J said, grinning.

JJ had lost the chubbiness from baby and toddler hood long ago; he was as lean and muscular as J now and the exact same height. With Harley's large blue eyes and angelic, bleached white face, he resembled some sort of statue of a Greek god. His curly hair was usually slicked back like J's now, or he at least made an attempt at it. Women threw themselves at him as much as men did at Lucy.

"I've got some business to go over with you, son," J said, nodding towards the direction of the study.

"And I've got some business to go over with Lucy," Harley grumbled, turning towards the hall again. "I _knew_ I hadn't lost all that jewelry we stole last week."

"Frost, take care of that, will you?" J said, indicating the body behind the couch. "Before you join us."

"No problem, boss," Frost said, stepping around and finally getting a look at the boy's face. _Not a bad looking guy. Much too old for that little girl, though._

As he threw the body over his shoulder and started for the door, he heard Lucy saying, "Thanks for all your help, little brother."

"We are the _same age_ ," JJ yelled back. "How many times do I have to say two minutes doesn't count? That guy was a bastard anyway!"

" _Lucy_! I hope this isn't blood all over this shirt! What have you been _doing?_ " Harley shrieked from Lucy's bedroom. _"Always bleach after a massacre, Lucy!"_

"What does a man have to do to get some work done around here?" J's high pitched yell came just as loudly from the study. _"JJ_ , I'm beginning to lose my patience!"

"I'm _coming!_ " Frost heard JJ roar back before he heard the study door slam. Frost eased the door shut behind him and sighed as the elevator doors closed behind him, closing his eyes in relief at the peace and quiet.

 _I really am getting too old for this._


End file.
